Advice to Men

Generate a fragrant lather
Soak your balls in the frothiness
Rinse before it burns you
Do not use too much deodorant
Especially the kind that coagulates
Like snowball ornaments
It's distracting
No matter how good you smell
When a woman touches you
Touch her back
Don't wait for her to walk away
In order to respond
It's too late by then
Don't simply use mouthwash
Gargle and loosen the throat oats
Floss and do it well
Remove the history
Of past meals and deeds
Clear your eye snots
Pluck wayward nose and ear hairs
Trim those nails
If you're going to get intimate
Wash those salty hands
Clamflesh needs no extra salt
It'll burn otherwise
Figure that one out yourselves
Call her back
Soon after a deflowering
Even if you think things went well
Nurture that orchid
Or it will die
Things are nice
But actions are far better
Especially if they are pleasantly naughty
Yet clean in all crevices.